“The lives of Black women
are at risk if we run too slow, if our mouths are too quick, if we don’t return a greeting or even if we do.
Stephanie D. Pearson-Davis
It looks like 2020 is just gon do what its’ gon do. It don’t give a damn about our feelings or our inability to compartmentalize facts, opinions, emotional response, grace and logical thinking. We just out here inconsistent in our thinking and in our integrity, our values on sale to whatever soothes our broken hearts. 2020 is steam rolling our asses.
Kobe is dead. That shit still hurts.
The majority of us didn’t know him beyond our tv and computer screens, but somehow we see him as family. A lot of us see ourselves in him… a reflection of sorts, even if distorted. I have wept for him and his family and all the other families touched by this horrific, unfathomable tragedy. I shed tears for daughters who won’t have a father to drop them off at college, fix ceiling fans or walk them down the aisle and for a mother who is missing a daughter who would have become a friend.
Kobe is dead. That shit still hurts.
This week while Gayle King was interviewing Lisa Leslie she asked and assertively pursued a line of questioning in relationship to the allegations of rape against Kobe Bryant. The clip quickly went viral. Folks were deeply offended by the line of questioning, with Gayle prodding Leslie to acquiesce that Kobe was indeed guilty and that his legacy was tarnished. Leslie held her ground and reinforced that her friend, Kobe Bryant, would never have engaged in the behaviors that he had been accused of(The case was ultimately dropped). Folks are BIG mad at Gayle. Snoop Dog took to instagram to call Ms. King a “funky dog head bitch.” He went further to say, “Respect the family and back off before we come and get you.”
End scene.
I only added the above paragraph to provide context. Although, I am not convinced that context is actually necessary to say what I am going to say next. We could insert any name into this interaction and my interpretation and response would be the same. It’s just that some folks start acting exceptionally obtuse when they are called out because the very delicate fabric of their moral slip is showing.
This isn’t about the allegations of rape made against Kobe. This isn’t about if Gayle King was right or wrong in her line of questioning. I have opinions about both. They do not matter.
What I have witnessed since the initial posting of the Gayle King/Lisa Leslie clip is an intense vitriol, hate and suggested violence against a woman… a Black woman. And I am baffled by our willingness to discard our values to assuage our feelings. There is no circumstance in which a man should say out of his mouth that any woman is a “funky dog-head bitch” or “back off before we come and get you”.
There is no room for Black men to speak so recklessly about Black women when we are disproportionately victimized by ALL men without justice. Black women have literally carried this country and its’ inhabitants on our backs and in our wombs since the beginning of time. We stand at the ready to raise up Black men, to defend their honor, often lifting their excellence and platform above our own.
The blatant disregard for Black women, who have sacrificed everything for everyone is disgusting.
Along with “How dare Gayle?”, why am I not also hearing from Black men, and women… afflicted with the fever of misogyny, not also proclaiming, “How dare Snoop?” Why are you not equally outraged by him? After all, Kobe is dead. And while that shit hurts like a motherfucker there are yet millions of Black women still living, whose lives are endangered daily by people who believe that a Black woman could say something worthy of making her a dog-head bitch or being physically assailed.
Our lives are at risk if we run too slow, if our mouths are too quick, if we don’t return a greeting or even if we do.
We give fake phone numbers and forced smiles as protection against the undying misogyny that looms over us like a flock of dirty pigeons… not knowing if the shit is gonna get on us.
The inability to compartmentalize our thinking and our emotions is eroding our propensity for evolution. You can agree that Gayle’s line of questioning was disrespectful and hurtful. You can also agree that Snoop is out of order. You can say, “Uncle Snoop… I love you man, but you foul for what you said about Gayle.” Snoop has the one thing that’s as powerful as money- INFLUENCE. So, he has to be held accountable for his message. The irony is that Snoop is defending Kobe’s honor in a way that even Kobe himself would not approve. And while maybe he doesn’t intend to green light violence against Black women; when you allow concessions for when it is appropriate to engage in violence it is a slippery slope on which no one can stand.
And no, I’m not canceling Snoop. I am completely over cancelling folks. Cancel culture needs canceling. I could write a whole other blog about dismantling cancel culture. Imagine being cancelled for each mistake you ever made. I would have no one left in my life. Because I am not perfect and make mistakes, I have likely aggrieved, to some degree, every person who has ever spent any significant time with me.
Can we stop using Black women as work horses, personal saviors, waste receptacles? We. Are. Tired.
Can we start talking about conflict resolution, expressing disappointment and admitting hurt feelings? Can we just be vulnerable? We need to learn how to say… You hurt me. Can we agree that using negative feelings and grief as an excuse for being disrespectful is immature and wrong? We really need to learn how to take a step back, assess and extend grace to those who hurt us. This is universal. Lean into vulnerability. Admit hurt when you feel it and allow space for that hurt to be reduced. We must allow each other room to grow, acknowledge, fix mistakes and evolve. I alluded to this in last weeks post.
We keep asking folks to change, but we cancel them before they actually can.
Finally, the people caping for Snoop and sharing in his sentiments… They are not the face of Kobe fans. These are people steeped in misogyny and patriarchy who couldn’t find their ass from their earlobe when faced with the task of managing their pain and disappointment in a productive manner.
Also…
Kobe is dead. That shit still hurts.
I‘m not here because I’m an expert. I’m here because I have experiences. -Stephanie