“I am enough at all times. So are you.”
Stephanie D. Pearson-Davis
My children have been asking for The Elf on the Shelf for years. I’m not 100% sure why I never got them one. It’s possible I didn’t wanna give a stuffed toy more power in my house than me. These kids gon do what I say cuz I said it; not because the elf is watching. You feel me? Who knows… It’s more likely I didn’t get it because I bought a lot of other crap and the elf just wasn’t a priority. *shrug*
The children are now 18, 13, 10 and 3 and I finally bought an elf because… well, somebody gotta help me watch all these kids. LOL!
Sidenote: Did I tell y’all I think I’m funny? Well, I do.
Anyway… I purchased The Elf on the Shelf . His name is Wish… Wish Damien Davis. When he showed up, they were all excited. Even the 18 year old. Not because he still believes in the Easter Bunny or Santa or elves watching over, but because he still believes in the feelings that come from the magic of childhood. So, everyone is stoked about the Elf and I have anxiety about where I’m going to put his ass everyday.
Turns out my anxiety was misplaced.
Day 1 I put him with my coffee cups and they very quickly noticed him.
Day 2 I put him on top of the cake plate with a sign that read, “Got Milk?” Cute; right? Thanks.
Day 3 I forgot.
Yep. Three days in and I forgot to move the damn elf. These children of mine disappointedly let me know the elf was still where I left him.
At this point, Savannah, our thirteen year old, made an observation that the elf is not a girl. She wasn’t necessarily upset, but she was disappointed and I felt that. Because while we aren’t feminists; we’re all #GirlPower over here. So you know what that means. It means I had to go get a girl elf. Days 4, 5 and 6 it was all I could do to REMEMBER to move one elf.
Still, I wanted them to have girl elf too. It mattered. On my way to Target I was like Laurence Fishburne playing Ike Turner in What’s Love Got To Do With It. What we gon do with one more elf? We *Scratch that* I didn’t need another elf in my life, but I took my happy ass to Target and got a girl elf anyway. Daisy Rose and Wish Damien are in the house!
Day 6 I put the elves up on the pot rack. Yay me!
Day 7 I forgot.
Listennnnnnn. I have had a lot going on in my life. Between events, building an organization #ItCouldBeYourKid, sick kids, keeping house and maintaining relationships— I am TIRED and definitely not on my A game. I wake up. I hear the kids downstairs and think, Oh shit! I forgot to move the freaking elves!!! I can’t understand why I’ve done this to myself. I don’t need this kind of stress. I head downstairs to take my lumps when one of them exclaims that the silly elves are trying to drink an adult beverage.
Someone, who is not me, has moved the elves. This is amazing and also a little unnerving. Who is helping me without my permission? #ForgetfulControlFreak
Day 8 I think… Aha! I’ll set an alarm at a time everyone is asleep. I got this. I stumble downstairs and the elves are not where the other person left them. They had been moved to our Christmas stockings. The hell???
Day 9 I set the alarm again. My helper is surely done helping me and anyway I want my job back. I want to do this for them. I got downstairs and the elves are no longer in the stockings. I look all over the downstairs. Remember when my only dilemma was thinking of new places to put them?
Now, I can’t even find them and I low-key begin to panic because WHERE did they go? I’m clearly not getting enough rest. I was acting like their lil asses ran away. Finally, I consider the Christmas tree because that’s where I was going to put them. There they are… resting on the branches of the tree just as cool as you please. My heart swells in that moment because I know one of my children is helping me be the best version of myself in the eyes of the other children.
I slept soundly that night knowing that I am cultivating a good heart in a child who sees me.
The next evening, Savannah comes in to say goodnight. She is always up too late doing homework. All these nights I had been waiting for her to go to bed so I could move the darn elf only to find it moved three days in a row when I went downstairs. I give her a big hug and say, “Hey, are you helping me out with something that we’re not talking about?” She feigns ignorance. I raise an eyebrow. She pulled me close and said…
“Don’t worry, Momma. I got you.” And I believe her.
I say, “But Savannah…” To which she replied, “No one else has to know.”
It was all I could do not to openly weep. I think she knew it too. She quickly kissed me again and off she went.
It wasn’t the act of moving the elves— It’s what moving the elves signifies.
She’s growing and maturing. My selfish girl who is usually, always only thinking of her 13 year old self is thinking of us all. She knows having the elves brings joy to our entire family. She understand that I’m really trying and I want this experience for them, even if it is coming late. She knows her momma is working extra hard to develop a legacy that will help children for generations. She knows I’m burning the candle at both ends. She knows that I have more on my plate than I can handle. She knows that some things will go undone as a result.
Usually the things that go undone are laundry and home cooked meals, but right now the elves seem to be the thing I couldn’t maintain. Somehow, she understands the significance of the elves to our family; even if she doesn’t quite understand what it means to me to have her help me in this way.
She sees me.
As moms, we sometimes beat ourselves up for being distracted and disconnected. We question our impact and influence as mothers when our children are rude, selfish or inconsiderate. We beat ourselves up for not being enough for our children… for not doing enough or giving them enough. This whole situation reminded me that I am enough at all times— even when I am distracted, disconnected and forgetful.
Since the day my children were born, I’ve been paying into a motherhood bank… and so have you. We make deposits by smiling at our babies, bathing them, helping with homework, cooking their meals, driving them to playdates, providing discipline, watching Frozen for the 100th time and an infinite amount of other ways.
We are constantly pouring into our children, depositing the best of everything we have in each moment. I know. There are times when it feels they aren’t getting any of it. Do not be discouraged. One day, and many times after, it just comes together.
Much like financial investments… sometimes the payout comes quick like a good night at the casino. Other times, you have to wait for it to mature like a CD. Both times, you receive what you put in multiplied. We’ve given our children so much love, empathy, courage and kindness that they can make withdrawals to deposit in the lives of the people around them… sometimes those people are us… their mommas. We did that. Momma, you did that.
Today, I am grateful for every deposit I ever made. The dividends are exponential.
The Elf on the Shelf was worth every penny.
I’m not here because I’m an expert. I’m here because I have experiences. -Stephanie
These elves were supposed to be for the kids. They’re here for me too!